Dirty Smut // “Fuck Me Anywhere”


It is an unfortunate truth in my life, quite probably in the lives of many of us, that hours and hours of my valuable time have been wasted reading terrible books.
There are just so many out there it can be hard to avoid them.
This is especially true of erotic “literature”. The quotations are intentional. I have read smutty stories that need a thesaurus so bad it makes my teeth hurt; that require spell check so severely that my potential orgasm shrivels up and dies. It is brutal! I am just trying to read some words while I get off, and my digital explorations are constantly being halted by an endless barrage of spelling errors and poor plot lines.
Reading “Fifty Shades of Grey”, which I admit I did (everybody was doing it!), was especially trying.
But while it was trying, it was also inspirational. If E.L James is getting published, why can’t I? If she can do it, then I am sure I can probably write some smutty stories, and write ’em in a way that’s real dirty and real good. Or at least I would hope so.

Below is my attempt at some pure n’ sexy dirt.  Delivered right here, from me to you. Feast your eyes. Keep one hand free and at the ready. It is not perfect, it is only my first try, but I do use the best words, like ‘cunt’, and ‘pussy’ and ‘NOW’.

Furthermore, before we begin, the following filth revolves around two people, one of whom is a person with a disability. This has a point. As I’ve written before, the sexual health needs of persons with disabilities is my priority. I strongly and firmly believe, above all else, that all bodies, regardless of their abilities, gender, class, race, etc. have the right to healthy sexual expression. Nothing about not being able to stand makes a person less hot; having less arm function does not correlate with not being a Total Mega Babe. What I’m trying to say is: a person’s level of ability does not limit their sexuality in anyway. I have said it before, and I will keep saying it again & again & again. And so below, is one way of saying it. A real juicy jam for ya, featuring a disabled person.

Oh, and one last thing. A warning: this is erotica in every sense of the word. The following is some deep n’ dirty, no-holds-barred smut. Only read on if you’re into that.


Fuck Me Anywhere

The bar was hot and crowded. Bodies pressed against bodies, beats pressed against ear drums, and all I wanted was for them* to press me against the wall. I wanted to be held up against the wall and fucked. I wanted their hands to push against me so hard they would leave marks. That feeling of being held up, thrown around, pressed on and pried at until I am completely pliable – that’s what I wanted more than anything.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” I yelled up at them. The music carried my quiet voice away and so I propelled myself forward, my wheels gently knocking their ankles so that they stumbled back a little, their ass falling against me. They were straddling my chair now, their weight on top of me, and even this contact, having their sweaty back pressed against my chest, our bodies still fully clothed, felt like too much. I wanted it so bad.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” I said again, and to make my point clear, I pulled their earlobe into my mouth, drawing the soft skin between my sharp teeth.

They looked at me, obediently. They were as ready as I was.

People cleared a path for us as we went deeper into the bar. We  reached our destination and entered the one-room wheelchair bathroom together. In situations like this, I sometimes wonder what people are thinking. Do they think my lover is only my assistant, helping me transfer onto the toilet? Does anyone suspect that what we do in these private places and darkened corners is not always about my disability, but is most often just about pure pleasure? We are usually just fucking each other in these bathrooms, a thin wall separating us from the public. The people at the party outside have no idea what kind of highs we are reaching in these stolen moments, and their ignorance just makes me wetter.

We were alone together in the grimy room and I wanted everything. I wanted it all, and all at once. I wanted them in my mouth, wanted them to cram their fingers down my throat with one hand while their other hand reached inside me. I wanted to feel full of them.
But I made myself wait.
Sweat had dripped down and pooled in my clavicle. “Lick it”, I told them, and their rough tongue complied, scratching against my skin, making my cunt wet.
“Take my shirt off,” and the silk was being pulled up over my head, exposing my tits to the hot, muggy air. My nipples were already hard, and they bent over me, pulling first one and then the other into their mouth.
“Now, put me..,” I began, but they interrupted.
“No, my turn,” they said.

We have this problem, the two of us. Two controlling people wanting to call all the shots, wanting to fuck and be fucked exactly the way we want, wanting to say how it’s going to be. But, sometimes I like being told what to do as much as I like doing the telling.

They didn’t tell me what to do but instead made me do it, putting my body exactly where they wanted it, controlling me, contorting me. They lifted me out of my chair and I was up against the wall. I held onto the bars, supporting myself with my arms. I can do this, but they know it makes me tired. They know that when they have me here like this, up against the wall and waiting, that they better fuck me and they better fuck me hard and fast until I am coming all over them, falling into their arms with the intensity of it all.

With one hand they pulled my hair, wrapped it tight around their fist so my head was pulled to the side, exposing my neck for their teeth to bite into. With the other hand they pulled off my skirt. Their fingers slipped down and pressed against the soft cotton of my underwear. I could feel my clit throbbing beneath their touch. They must have felt it too, my body pulsing against them, and so they eased their fingers around my thong and against my lips.

They started gently, stroking me, teasing me. They knew I wanted them inside me, that I was impatient and waiting and aching for it, but they wouldn’t give in right away. They kept it up, those subtle strokes, up and down, up and down, until I was so wet I was dripping on their fingers. My thighs were damp with my own juice and still they would not draw me open, would not reach deeper.

I couldn’t take it.

“Baby,” I said. “Baby, fuck me.”
“Now?” they asked.
“Right now.”
“Right, right now?”
“And, if I don’t?”
“You have to.”
“I have to?”
“Tell me what you want.”
“I want you to fuck me hard. I want you inside me up to your wrist.”
“And what’s the magic word?”

They acquiesced. Part of them wanted me there all night, pressed against them and begging, but they also wanted to please me.
I felt their hand move my lips open. Their rough thumb stroked my clit, while their long , beautiful fingers reached down inside me. One finger, then two, then three, were in my pussy, circling. My cunt clenched around their digits. I wanted to swallow them up, wanted them never to leave my body.
My clit got harder and harder under their thumb. I know that they love this, love feeling how much my body wants them. And as they rubbed my clit, over and over, I expanded to take them in. My slit got wider and wider and they slid all of themselves into me. Their wrist bone pressed up against my swollen sex.It felt like everything was happening all at once. My neck was in their mouth, my nipple twisted in between their fingers, my clit pressed under their thumb, and my whole body riding their hand as it thrust into me, deeper and deeper. We moved together. I propelled myself against their body, forcing them further into me, driving them faster, making them my own. They pressed harder and harder against my G-Spot, working me. They are rough with me but I can take it. Can take it and then some.

I began to tremble. My knees bucked. And then I crumbled. It felt too good. I felt too much. I couldn’t stand any more. I fell forward, my soft tits pressed against their hard chest, while I gushed all over them. I came, and came, and it felt like I wouldn’t stop coming, my whole body convulsing against theirs. My hair in their mouth, their neck against my lips, my cream wetting both of us, our sweat intermingled.

Finally, they stopped. They pulled out of me, and we just stared at each other, not wanting to move, not wanting to end it.
Until there was a knock at the door.
They hurriedly helped me dress. In these moments I love their range of touch. That they can fuck me hard and fast, so good that it hurts, and then gently pull my shirt over my arms, zip my zipper, and put me into my chair.

We left the bathroom, cheeks flushed. The people outside smiled at us politely. I smiled back. I imagine they thought “What a trooper!”. Often that’s what people are thinking, when they smile at me in a particular way. They don’t know that my return grin means so much more, that I am laughing at them. They are about to use a bathroom that I just flooded with my come, that smells like my sex.


* Some people choose to use the pronoun “they/them” rather than “he” or “she”/”his” or “hers”. This is a great pronoun because it doesn’t impose any one gender, but allows some room for fluidity. Since I think all fluids (cum,sweat, etc.) are hot, and sexual/gender fluidity is even hotter, I used the pronoun they/them/their to refer to one single, sexy person in this story. If you want to learn more about the pronoun ‘they’, start here.

Fucking Frosh


Frosh Week is just wrapping up in Halifax. For the last seven days the sexual energy in the city has been palpable – we can feel the frosh sizing each other up & eyeing each other down all the way from South to North.

During Frosh week, I get all this sexual energy thrown at me in full. See, it’s my job to do the Frosh sex talks. I stand in front of crowds and crowds of students and talk dirty to ‘em. I talk about sex toys and the importance of fucking yourself; my co-workers talk about safe sex and consent, and the importance of fucking others safely.  After we have laid out our spiel, we field their questions.  What this looks like: 800 students yelling over one another to us 3 bewildered babes. Generally, it’s hard to make out what the fuck anyone is saying. Words come to the surface of the mass of sound, words like “blow job”, “shaving”, “squirting”, and “POO!?”.

This past year, amidst the noise, a few questions did come up again and again and again. Considering the repeat nature of these queries, I thought it just may be worth answering these questions online, for ya’ll to see. Maybe you too are also wondering about water sex?

                    Question 1:  How do you give the best blowjob?

This was the most predictable question we got. People ask me about blow jobs essentially all the fucking time, so hearing it from the Frosh was no shocker. Seriously. I’ll be buying my groceries and the clerk will be like “But really, about that deep throating”. It is absurd how hot a topic fellatio is. Luckily, the frequency of which I am asked this question has allowed me to break it down into three short n’ sweet lil’ tips (though I do recommend coming to a blow job workshop at Venus Envy if you really wanna know):

Tip 1)  The wetter the better. Get some serious saliva on that cock. And if you are having a hard time doing that, add some lube. Some people really like using a flavoured
lube in this instance, but I personally find that shit gross. Its like filling my mouth with fluoride when I’m really just trying to enjoy getting someone off. So, I go for a
simple, taste-less, water-based lube.

Tip 2) Don’t forget the balls. While this isn’t true all of the time (nothing really is), a lot of people like a little bit of scrotal action while there shaft is being sucked. So
bring ’em into your palm and gently rub ’em around. Gentle is a key word here. Punching, kicking, pulling, or otherwise rough-handling balls is not typically

Tip 3) Enjoy it! And this goes for all sex acts, really. It is not generally fun for anyone to be doing something with their lover(s) if it seems like said lover is performing
a chore. So, have fun when you’re giving head and let the person know that you are into it. Make some hot eye contact. Moan a little bit, while the dick is in your
mouth. Say something dirty, like “I love having your cock in my mouth.” Essentially, communicating that you’re having a good time is hot.

                             Question 2:  Is having sex in the water a good idea?

I had no idea getting wild in the water was so trendy, but considering how many times this one came up, it must be. Personally, I had never really thought much about fucking in a body of water, mostly because to me it sounds more like a mess of awkward and flailing limbs than a synchronized, sexy performance. But, I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad idea. It could be completely do-able. However, there are a few things one should keep in mind if they really wanna get down and dirty in the public pool.

Thing A) Condoms and water are not like peanut butter and jam. That is to say, they don’t go hand in hand. Hot water and chemicals, like chlorine, can effect a
condoms durability, making it hard for ya’ll to be safe about it. Plus, all that water makes it more likely that the condom will slip off.

Thing B) Vaginas and water are not necessarily allies either. While getting plain old bath water all up in there may not be so bad, the bacteria and chemicals that hang out in
pools and hot tubs can be irritating and yeast-infection inducing.

Thing C) Fucking in the water actually makes things more dry. The water washes away all that sweet n’ sticky natural vaginal lubricant people produce. So, using a
silicone lube, which is impervious to water, is a good idea.

                               Question 3:  Can all girls squirt?

We got asked this one a whole lot. Where as I had no idea what squirting was until I was like, 23, apparently every first year university student in Halifax is pretty interested in making it happen. To answer concisely: yes, every person born with a vulva has the capacity to “squirt”, or ejaculate. Ejaculation occurs when the G-Spot (aka the urethral sponge), which is located just inside the vaginal opening, is stimulated. To find your (or your pal’s) G-Spot, get real turned on. The G-Spot swells when you are stimulated, so start with some good ol’ fashioned foreplay. Then, reach your fingers into the vagina and curl them up towards the belly button, in a classic “come hither” motion. You just may feel a slightly swollen area, roughly the size of a dime. That’s the G-Spot. If you push on it, it just may feel real good. If you push on it for a long time, and are feelin’ real hot n’ heavy, you just may ejaculate. I use the words “just may” intentionally. For some people, making this happen ain’t no thang (though I have a hard time believing that some can project that shit across the room the way you see in some porn). For others, it can feel like it’s nearly impossible. My advice is to practice. Practice,  read about it, try some toys, and mostly don’t get discouraged. Sex is sex. Squirting may be great, but ultimately, having fun and feeling good should be your end goal, not gushing all over your hot little hand.