Listen. This may shock you. But you should know:
People in wheelchairs- they fuck. People with different motor abilities- they fuck. People who are blind- they’re fucking too. Everybody’s doing it.
There is a persistent and damaging myth that people with disabilities don’t have sex. It is too often believed that if you don’t move your legs then you don’t orgasm, or if you don’t move your arms then you can’t make someone else come all over you. It’s all a giant fucking lie, I swear.
This lie is rooted in ableism. Ableism, or the most basic definition of ableism, is the oppression of persons with disabilities. To expand, it is the assumption that being able-bodied is the norm, and that people who fall outside of this norm are lesser than: less intelligent, less desirable, and generally less valuable human beings as a whole.*
And what this looks like, to name just a few of the thousands of possible examples, is: folks with disabilities not having access to public spaces; folks with disabilities not being spoken to directly; and folks with disabilities being cast as asexual, as not even having sexual desires let alone being considered super hot sex bombs (which trust me, we are**).
This lie is rooted in ableism, and is then perpetuated by mainstream ideas about sex. We see sex all the time. It is everywhere, either sizzling under the surface, or hot branded on the top of every single thing we consume, from music videos to donairs (don’t even try and tell me that you haven’t noticed how much the sauce oozing all ova’ that phallic wrap looks like cum).
But, only a certain kind of sexuality is portrayed in this ever-present visual come on. Specifically, it’s the sex of skinny people, of straight people, of white people, and of able-bodied people. Mainstream sexual imagery almost never shows fat people, trans people, or people who are disabled, to name only a few of us outliers. And in excluding us, we are effectively being erased as sexual beings. Only one type of body and only one type of sexuality is being legitimized.
So, misconceptions about human sexuality are really fucking shit up for all kindsa’ folks, but pair that with ableism and you can see shit is especially fucked for people with disabilities. Can you even imagine what it’s like to be totally dehumanized and desexualized? Can you imagine what it’s like to not have your hot self be seen and celebrated in all your glory? It’s a fucking tragedy. One tragic lie.
Deconstructing this lie is beneficial for all people, not just those of us who identify as living with a disability. It is to your benefit to recognize the hotness of all sorts of bods because doing so is gonna make your sex life better (you could wildly expand your category of Potential People to Fuck). It is important because you too may one day find yourself living with a disability, if you aren’t already. And it is important because in deconstructing our ideas about human sexuality and about disability, and about sexuality and disability combined, we are working to deconstruct oppressive belief systems that limit all sorts of humans from accessing their right to safety, to dignity, and to pleasure.
To this end, to try and make the world a better, safer, sexier place for people in general, and especially people with disabilities, I am going to make this section all about sex and disability. Here will be the fucking facts about fucking disability, and disability & fucking.
Come here to learn about toys to come to, to read about disability politics, and to see hot n’ dirty pictures of hot n’ dirty people with disabilities doin’ hot n’ dirty things.
* This belief system arises out of the traditionally held medical model of disability, which posits disability as a tragic medical condition that needs to be cured. This model does not allow room to consider the ways in which disability is an identity that is socially constructed, which is to say that the world that we live in systemically excludes and exploits folks who are different. To consider disability as a social construct is to say that rather than “curing” disability, we should instead consider how systems, structures, institutions and entire modes of belief disallow some types of people and some types of bodies from being humanized. We need to deconstruct these systems of oppression rather than cure the bodies in question.
This is the briefest of overviews that I could give you about the big and beautiful world of disability politics, but I encourage you to read more, and more, AND MORE, and particularly, read the works of the brilliant Mia Mingus.
**I know that we are, not only because I am personally acquainted with my fair share of super hot sex bombs who also happen to be persons with disabilities, but because I fall into that category myself (hence the use of ‘we’).