Coming All Over You.

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I recently went to a public lecture about sex.
Four different people stood in front of a crowded room and told raunchy accounts of their sexual misadventures.
It was…titillating, for one. For two, it was pretty fucking offensive.
I like talking about sex. Obviously.
I like talking about sex in a way that is vulgar and explicit and raunchy, but is also inclusive and fun.
However, some people talk about it in a way that is hurtful and cruel and sexist and oppressive.
Unfortunately, this public lecture featured the latter.

I listened to some dude tell a story about dominating a woman (which is such a potentially hot topic!).
I listened to him spew his fat-phobic bullshit all over the room, listened to him shame a woman’s body for not conforming to traditional standards of beauty, and listened to him scoff at the fine art of female ejaculation. The guy didn’t even believe it existed. He was convinced that this hot babe who had the misfortune of fucking him was pissing all over him.

It was all a bit too much.

And so, I believe a public service announcement is in order.

I hope that you know the reasons why hating on beautiful, round bods is fucking disgusting, sizeist and limiting to your own possible enjoyment of life, sex, and the human body. I’m not even gonna start to break that down for you. If you don’t get it, check out this great blog called glitter politic.

But, you may not know as much about female ejaculate.
And, that bit is kinda my jam.
I’m not a person with a sexy fat body, but I am a person who spends a lot of time talking about fancy finger-bangin’ and the sweetness of squirting.

So, here are some things you should know, in case like the lecturer mentioned above, you have been seriously misinformed and have mistakenly labelled that gorgeous gush as nothin’ but the magic of myths.

  1. People with pussies can ejaculate. It’s true. This ejaculate is produced in the Skene’s glands, and when it is released it exits the body through the urethra.  This ‘release’  can accompany orgasm, or not. The two are not always linked- a person can come without coming, and can come when they are coming, if y’know what I mean. This ejaculate has a low viscosity, is clear, and there can be a lot (up to 2 cups!) or alittle of it.
  2. When the aforementioned release happens, it is typically a result of some serious G-Spot stimulation. The G-spot, or the Grafenberg Spot, is located just inside the vaginal opening on the anterior wall. To find it, get pretty hot n’ horny (because then the G-Spot swells), stick a finger in, and curl it up in the classic ‘come-hither’ hand gesture. The G-Spot should feel like a rough, dime-sized area, kind of comparable to the top of your mouth. Many say that pressing on it produces an enjoyable, deep, achy feeling, and can lead to a G-Spot orgasm. This pressure can also force ejaculate out of the Skene’s gland, through the urethra, and all over your hot little hand. If you’re trying to make this happen for yourself, be warned- this takes time, and carpal tunnel may ensue. A handy helper is a cute little toy called the Mini G.
  3. It may look like pee but it isn’t. It might even feel like you have to pee, but don’t worry, you won’t. Or maybe you will, so it’s best to empty your bladder before you start fucking. Because the feeling that a person gets before they come often feels like the feeling of needing to pee, these two things are often mistakenly conflated. But, ejaculate and urine are totally different. Scientists have proven that shit. They come outta the same hole, they look kind of alike, but they aren’t. If you really wanna make sure, taste and smell it, why don’t’cha?

That’s just some basics.
For more information on the sweetness of squirtin’, check out-
this slightly cheesy, hetero-normative,  yet informative website:  Holistic Wisdom
and this book: ‘The Secret of Great G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation’ by Tristan Taormino
and this class: ‘The Big O!’ at Venus Envy

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7 thoughts on “Coming All Over You.

  1. Lindsay

    Sat, if you read this, do you remember what Joanie said that time? It was in that workshop. If you don’t remember, look at the picture of the woman and the wave up there. Please tell me you remember…

    As a not-so-side note: awesome post Kay!!! Hearing about that guy posses me off. But it made everything better when you said “scientists have proven that shit”.

  2. Sat

    Joanie said, “I could marinate a mattress for a week in that shit, and my Croatian grandma wouldn’t even notice. try doing that with piss,” or something along those lines.
    Joanie is luckily one of the round, hot babes that everyone would love to know. And she knows that ejaculating is a beautiful hot mess all over everything.

  3. I’m jealous of ladies who actively squirt. I only did it once and it was completely involuntary. It wasn’t until years later that I realized what it was and I regret having such an awesome sexual experience with such a shitty partner… great post!

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